My husband blurted about the possibility that ‘cabin fever’ have hit us hard, during yesterday’s breakfast.
A little background – both me and my husband works from home (WFH) so we fatefully and actively joins and follows the call of community quarantine. We thought being holed-up at home for xx straight days and weeks would be easy pansy for us, we thought that our close-to-a-decade of WFH set-up has prepared us for exactly this. But no, we were mistaken.
The atmosphere right now seems to envelop us in this haze, like the wind is whispering for us to just let go, slow down for the world outside is different.
Cebu is under a community quarantine. So is Manila. So is nationwide. So is much of the world. Covid19 is real.
I am typing this beside a window where my eyes are drawn time and again to the intensely blue sky broken only by a few scattered puffs of clouds. I’ve been doing more staring than actual typing. Lol.
The leaves on the nearby tree are swaying and dancing to the invisible beat of the wind. There’s also these two birds hopping from one branch to the other, chirping here, chirping there. And now, they’ve just flown away.
“It’s okay, don’t worry much.’’, is that what the birds are saying?
The feel now is just so different, there is this tug, an invisible call to ‘just be’.
That’s how it is for us.
We heeded the call, we hunkered down, we, in all practicality, have abandoned work. Working actively in our niche (travel) during this quarantine feels unnatural. I know I am speaking from a point of privilege, but please know that I mean no disrespect to all those whose situation is different from ours. I am just sharing what I feel right now hoping that I may find peace in it.
Writing my thoughts has always been a way to cope with challenges and changes, a way to find calm and peace. I’ve found that words written sincerely and that which comes from the heart has the power to melt doubts and anxiety, and untangle warring emotions.
Why are we not bent down on our laptops to produce articles and blog posts? Why can’t we find it in us to do work like we usually do?
We are trying to rationalize – it could be because our main niche is travel and travel is one of the earliest and hardest hit industries during this pandemic. Ad revenues, which is our bread and butter, are zilch these days.
But even our non-travel sites have all been shoved in a corner, ignored.
We can still be productive! We can shift focus to our non-travel sites! Or build new sites on different niches. We have the time to do that now. Yes, we know. We know that, but still...
My sister messaged me yesterday on Facebook asking what is our quarantine routine? She lamented that she haven’t lifted a finger lately. She has an online shop which she took down for now since shipping and delivery is a mess during this quarantine period. She also haven’t written a single article for her sites. She have done nothing, livelihood-wise, just like us. And her earning is “nada” – her word.
My advise to her, and I guess to ourselves too, was to just take things slow. Work, write posts when the inspiration hits. Don’t berate herself if she can’t find the well to draw inspiration from for now. That this feeling, this state shall pass. Just hang in there.
The quarantine has this foreboding atmosphere clutching at you, making you immobile. That’s how we are experiencing it. Yesterday it hit us hard, that upon waking-up today, I vow to do something, to be active.
I finished 2 loads of laundry; took-out by hand all the overgrowth, all the weeds that for weeks have covered and taken-over the front of our house; re-arranged the book shelf; started reading looking for inspiration in books – it was while I was reading when suddenly I stood up, got my laptop and started writing this piece.
I need to make peace. To be okay with things as it is. To continue believing that the universe will right itself and that when it’s time, we will be back to our productive selves.
While there is a community quarantine, I pray that there will be more and more days like today. Days where I may be work-inactive but at least I am not ‘out of sync’ and I am not berating and questioning my non-productiveness.
The least we all can do now is to follow quarantine protocols. Others are called to the frontlines, we are called to stay home – let’s help the frontliners help everyone by staying at home.
I pray that may we all find our own peace in this trying time. I pray that whatever pleadings in each of our hearts, that it may be heard and answered.
God Bless to each of us.